He told me they were just razor bumps!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
