smell my finger.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
