Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
