You're my little dorito
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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