Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
