before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
