Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
