Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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