If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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