When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
