My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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