your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
