I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
