tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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