I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
