my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
