...so i touched it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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