this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
