you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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