It's Friday. Sex?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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