In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
