Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
