Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
