I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
