I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
