so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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