so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
