Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
