lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
