Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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