why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
