I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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