Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
