Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
