She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
