it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
