textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
