sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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