His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
