There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
