She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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