I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
