Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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