theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Someone signed my nipple.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
