Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
