Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
