I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
