Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
