Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
