ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
