shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I have demons in me.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
