Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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