$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
im holly from the hills drunk
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
foreskin is a definite game changer
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
