the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
