I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
