Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
