careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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