I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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