i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
