I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
