Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
