He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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