I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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