I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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