Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
