I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
